Realising I have a tribe, and they rock!

fullsizeoutput_7464This week has been a tough one, and its only Wednesday.

Its my birthday this weekend and I’ve had a few disasters when it comes to celebrating birthdays so I had fallen out of love with the idea and to add to all that I’m on my own.

Then I had a word with myself who am I kidding, I love birthdays.  That pure celebration of just being here, being alive.  What is there not to love?  And am I really on my own?  I’m single not alone, there is a difference.

A few weeks ago I decided I wanted to celebrate at home cooking for a few friends, that was it.  Cosy and just what I wanted.

Not everyone I would want to be there can come but thats ok.  Your tribe aren’t with you all the time, they are not a constant like a partner is they can’t always be with you but they are always for you and when you look around and realise you have one,  it makes your heart sing.

So with a heart wailing along to Barry White,  let me introduce you to my tribe.

This picture is William and I at the Wilderness Festival with Kelly, Kate and the kids.  Kelly was a client of mine a few years ago and we just gelled.  It doesn’t happen every time but I have to admit I have made a lot of friends this way.

Kelly is different though we happen to find ourselves with something in common at a point in our lives where we can be there for each other.  Kate I had never met before but I was invited along, we hit it off straight away she is like light in human form and we had the BEST weekend.  William loved his new pals Ru and Red and I felt safe with other women I knew would keep us safe.  We never talked about it, it was just a feeling.

Three virtual strangers in a field with some glitter and a gaggle of babies it was perfect.

Kelly is in my tribe because I respect her and I value her opinion.  If I’m honest I’m punching above my weight on the friend front with this lady but then I’d say that about every single member of my tribe.  She’s not the only one.

My mum and I have really grown closer since William was born.  Don’t get me wrong she is still the only person on earth that knows EXACTLY which buttons to press but these days she chooses not too.  We talk more, we share more.  We get each other more.

Then there is Sara and Steve and Emily.  They are all people I love and they love me.  We don’t live in each others pockets but we are a constant in each others lives at the moment.  That might change in the future but for now they are my ‘go to’ people.  The ones who offer before I ask for help.

The ‘one’ that; offers to drive so I can have a proper cry or drop me a message just to see I’m ok, walk the dog with me to make sure I don’t hide in my office for days on end.

Coming to terms with the fact I am single has hit me hard this week.  But its made me think long and hard about what I really want.

I loved and still love William’s Daddy, there I’ve typed it.  I’ve been so frightened of the idea of loving and leaving him.  The thing is we just aren’t compatible.  That doesn’t make him any less funny or handsome.

When you find yourself alone you realise you can do whatever you want.  There is no need to compromise, there is a freedom to it.  I quickly realised I quite like spending time on my own.  I love reading, I love listening to music, cooking, walking Humph.  And when I crave company its ok to ask for it.  That’s what your tribe do, they are there for you.

The crazy sparkly life we view through social media can get in the way of connecting with people, and it can help.  I have found a few groups on Facebook I love they are awesome but I also leave my phone at home and walk my dog with an old school friend most weeks.

Let me get something straight you I am not a cool kid, BBF kind of girl.  Emily is the only friend I have from 10 years at boarding school that I spend time with (there are many on Facebook).

I don’t make friends easily.  Well I didn’t used to.  Something has changed.  I put myself out there more.  I’m braver.  If I talk to someone and enjoy it I make an effort to stay in touch.  Making friends in your forties is just the oddest thing.  My criteria have changed.  I didn’t see or speak to some of the people I think of as my tribe for years but right now they are a big part of my world.  Other friends I used  to spend all my time with are now at different points in their lives and we don’t speak or see each other as much, but we are still there.

If I’m honest while I was out there searching for the cool tribe I wanted to be part of I completely missed that I had a perfectly good one all along.  Funny isn’t that the best things happen when you stop trying to be someone and just accept you are someone and that someone is loved and cared about.

Whether you talk online, on the phone or you make plans to meet up; connecting with people who make you laugh in your belly, that don’t care that you weigh a few more pounds than you should or that you snort when you laugh.  You might have known them all your life or have just met.  They are your tribe.  Enjoy them.



3 thoughts on “Realising I have a tribe, and they rock!

  1. And that’s not what this blog is about Bella. It’s about helping other people in the same position as me cope with their feelings and to help them feel less alone. Your mum and I have been friends for years and right now we are at different points in our lives. There are many unnamed people in my tribe those named are the ones that right at this moment are the people that were part of the story. It’s not written in the moment to reflect how I feel in that moment.


  2. What a thoughtful post. Some good insights into friendship, tribeship, call it what you will!

    Shifting sands: things change, we assess, we adapt. Always evolving, always moving. So does the tribe, but having and acknowledging one is so important!


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