Today was a real day of highs (I just realised today is now yesterday and it’s 3am).

William visited his new school for the day and it went really well.

His teachers summary; he was quiet but engaged. That’s our little introvert.

Who he is around strangers and new people is around 15% of his total self. The singing, story telling and naked sword fights he keeps for those he trusts.

I was so proud when I went to pick him up. Proud of him and me.

I would happily have him home everyday with me. He’s good company. He would happily stay home but we both acknowledge life is a little richer when we go our separate ways and come back with what we discover.

I’m proud of me for getting shit done. I’m continuing to face up where the business is at and my head is nowhere near the sand! It’s scary but manageable one step at a time.

Now have a long weekend and nothing left on the to do list. Lovely.

As we drive home William falls asleep, nothing new there but when we get back he is flushed and teary.

I manage to get some food down him before heading to bed to watch Tom and Jerry. Armed with honey and lemon for W, wine for me and a caramel shortcake to share we head up.

I checked his temperature as soon as we got in and it was high so we managed one dose of nurofen early. By 8:30 he is sound asleep. I’m relieved.

10pm and he starts to cry. I roll over and turn on the light. He is shaking, bright red and his breathing is rapid. Shit! I’m here alone it’s just us. It’s scary. He drifts in and out of sleep for a few hours waking himself up crying , it’s horrible to hear. By 2am he is wide awake and screaming.

Temperature 39 wow! I checked the time and he can have more drugs thank goodness. Suddenly that big brave tall boy is my baby again clinging on to me. I stroke his head and pull him in close he is burning up and shivering. Fluids, I need him to drink so run down and grab milk and water. He holds the cold water to his face. I know it will be an hour before the temperature drops back down so we settle in for a cuddle and I sing to him as he drifts off to sleep.

It’s now 3:30am I have a cold too and I’m pretty exhausted but I couldn’t be happier. Today has taught me we can do this, I can do this. I can take care of him. I can, some of the time, be all he needs.

As I type this with his little head tucked under my arm and the weight of him on my chest I am so very very grateful.

Whatever the next few months have in store, it can be sorted. Not everyone is lucky enough to have family and friends to support them like William and I have. And I thank my blessings for that.

Believing in yourself and being able to ask for help when you need it. That’s the balance.