I’m writing this from the bath. Bathtub soak playlist on, Epsom salts in and the water is hot enough to Thermidor a lobster!

So why? Well I signed up and actually went to a yoga day yesterday! That yoga girl alter ego actually went and bloody booked it!

My chimp freaked out immediately. Everyone will be better than you! You’ll fart, you’ll fall, no one will talk to you – you could actually die! All very valid if not slightly OTT reactions.

I did manage to trick the chimp for a while I booked last minute so she had less time to plot against me at least.

So Saturday morning arrives. The last minute purchase of ‘yoga gear’ fits (in fact the pants are a little loose, tiny happy dance) William is dressed and ready. Humph refuses to eat his breakfast. This is the latest plot with anxious dog, I think you’re about to abandon me so I will go on hunger strike. Not today Mr, his food is scooped up and popped in the car, there!

I know William will have a great time with Sara he always does so I drop him first, then grab a flat white from Fen Farm, (raw milk flat white is a joy to behold and a slight Saturday morning obsession these days) then head to drop off Humph.

I get to Henham with five minutes to spare. Then it happens. This lady gets out of her car and she is the epitome of a yoga babe!!!

Completely coordinated stunning, lean and beautiful, oh bugger!

This will not stop me I flash her a massive smile and comment on the weather (I know).

Once we are in the barn there are a few people mingling and almost instantly I start chatting to someone also there on her own. If I could I would have flashed that chimp a glare the one that says ha see people are talking to me!

Anyway we head upstairs we learn about essential oils we meditate, head to the woods and sit in the bluebell forest it’s just lovely! I’m enjoying myself, who knew.

After the walk the vinyasa session with Rachel, so I am clearly not as accomplished as many in the room but I’m doing it I’m trying and I’m enjoying it. Honestly enjoying it.

I feel alive, I’m breathing and moving and it feels awesome and as I look round I realise no one cares if my arse is in the right position or if my leg is not as high – they are focussed on themselves and for most of the lesson so am I.

You may not think that’s much to be proud of but for me it was massive. I bounced down the stairs to lunch chatting about how hard some moves were and how hungry I was just like everyone else. Not a fraud, not an imposter just me.

I drove home, new yin playlist playing and I’m beaming from ear to ear. I head to gather up my pup and little man and we head to the pub for dinner with a newly home Nanny and Grandad. I head to bed at 10pm exhausted. I woke up aching all over and now it’s 11:30 and I’m in the bath.

We might get all the gardening done today we might not. The emergency school uniform wash is done so there is no other agenda.

I felt the fear and did it anyway. I’m still fat, will be for a while but my mind isn’t anymore it’s simply, patiently waiting for my body to catch up. I think lean and healthy I act fit and well.

As my fabby trainer says ‘your body achieves what your heart believes.’

So I will do a headstand by Christmas, I will complete the spartan I will wear my favourite coat as I walk to the pub Christmas Day. Because I believe I can.

My chimp might try to trip me up now and then but I see her coming these days.

Lady you are welcome on the trip but you do not touch the map!