This is a tough one. A really tough one. Being around someone you made a person with but you are no longer ‘with’.
William loves us doing things together he holds our hands and just revels in being with both of us.
I remember that feeling of loss when my mum and dad split up. The idea of us not doing things, simple things, together anymore. Sitting around a table eating, watching TV, a road trip.
We are still finding our feet around it. We both agree William is our priority but it’s awkward.
Something I have been working hard on around my thinking is this idea of appreciation not expectation.
One of the reasons Williams Daddy and I are no longer together is down to my control freak levels of expectation.
I’ve inherited it. This idea that happiness comes as a result of certain things happening in a certain way at a certain time (toilet rolls being replaced is a particularly sad example).
Once you look again and see that all these rules not only make you miserable but those around you miserable too.
It’s hard to know what to replace it with.
Appreciation can replace expectation but I warn you it takes effort. Especially if you are ‘high expectation wired’.
It’s simple enough an idea, next time you have an expectation; Someone needs to behave a certain way for example just flip the thinking and ask yourself what do I appreciate about this person.
Late people, they are making time for you! They don’t have to!
Messy people, they fill every inch of your life.
Think about it, would you rather have an immaculate empty home or a full messy one?
Having lived through this one I can safely say I’ll take messy and full every time these days. I appreciate mess more because I love what comes with it.
I know it’s a rough road ahead and I won’t always get it right but I really do believe my anxiety comes from the pressures on put on myself.
When you separate and you have little ones there is huge amounts of guilt involved. But as someone said to me William needs a happy Mummy and Daddy in his life and for me focusing my energy around appreciating what I have in life and not trying to control it is worth the effort.
Forgiving ourselves is a weird one and accepting the imperfections is what marvellous muddles are all about.