It’s been a busy week. Missed flights, crazy cab rides, more big conversations about the future and my first pitch with new company landed. On the whole a good week with a few giggles. Then something shifts.
After getting home around 23:30 Thursday night I set the alarm for 7:00 for a lay in. It’s been a weird day.
I can only describe Thursday’s feeling as one of impending doom.
It starts in the pit of my stomach and just sits there. I just feel like something bad is going to happen. But it’s been a busy day so I jump in bed and pass out.
5:45 Friday and I’m wide awake. This is pretty normal. (It’s only 6:10 now as I write this on Saturday morning in the dark on my phone so I don’t wake William)
I have to collect Humph from the dog sitter so I get up. The doom has lifted, yay. I jump in the car get on my way.
It’s a 20 minute drive so I stick on Chris Evans breakfast show. He announced this morning it will be serious spicin’ rather than serious rockin’ I remember thinking; I’m sure he dated Gerri.
I happily daydream all the way grab Humph and we are back on the road in no time.
So the spice girls tracks start and I’m singing along contemplating trying to get some tickets and wondering who would come with me, I settle on Hayley.
Hayley has the most contagious laugh you have ever heard and I have so many happy memories of laughing with her even the thought of her makes me smile. That’s settled must get tickets.
Then ‘mama’ comes on. Instantly my eyes fill with tears by the time they get to the chorus I am sobbing. I’ve stopped listening to the song and I’m thinking about my mum.
I was a rotten teenager eight years of boarding school, order, routine and rules had turned me into an angry grumpy opinionated brat. I dated punks, smoked weed in the park when I should have been in college and had a pretty crazy couple of years.
In all the time mum never once told me what to do. I was old enough to make my own decisions and I know she hated them but never marched me home or forbid me from seeing people. I later realised she desperately wanted to but knew it would only prolong the ‘phase’. She was right.
In hearing that song I felt so guilty for all the pain I put her through I want to give her a hug tell her I was sorry. The tears were now a flood the song had finished and I was nearly home.
What was going on?
Then it clicked I checked my Flo app. Period one day away. Aha hormones!
The day didn’t get any better on the tears front. Talking to my bookkeeper about wrapping up Hoot, my friend Sara giving me a belated birthday present, my son telling me he loves me. I spent most of the day in tears.
So I did some research. Wow what a mine field! Is it PMS or PMDD? What’s the best way to feel better? Exercise, vitamin D, more veg?
And here is where Mother Nature can be cruel. The hormones released actually increase your cravings for food that make you feel worse! Feeling tired and low don’t help you spring out of bed and jump onto your yoga mat or throw on those running shoes. I am fighting against myself. Never a fair fight.
The thing is something has to change. This is one of those muddles I’m up for changing. It’s a monthly occurrence and my current coping strategies, mostly raising William’s sweetly jar and curling up in a ball, aren’t helping.
I’ve tried a few things to be honest with mixed results so here it is;
Yup. Those little baby trees full of loveliness with a squeeze of lemon, blitzed in soup in a stir fry broccoli seems to have a good effect. In fact as dull as it sounds most green stuff helps when I can be bothered so, plan!
I’m guessing most of you reading this have experienced your period once or twice. You know roughly the date, the week before buy the stuff you need. We have a great greengrocers in town so the added benefit of walking to get it when you feel rubbish also helps!
Broccoli and salmon with noodles in a miso soup is perfect and takes no time to make.
Now remember this advice is coming from a 43 year old with a four year old son that could lose half her body weight and survive it. Yoga is not the answer to everything. But it’s bloody good at making you feel brighter. Yoga with Adrienne is a great one on you tube she has a couple of easy going 20 minute sessions that will make you smile from the inside!
Singing, out loud!
I have a playlist on Spotify full of songs that just make me smile. They remind me of; summers working in bars, the beach at Camps Bay, client events (Coldplay’s Clocks will forever remind me of a summer touring the country in a truck with Mercedes Benz), my sons favourites, old songs my parents subjected me to, even morecambe and wise, thanks Grandad.
Do these make me cry? Absolutely. Do I feel better afterwards? Completely.
My advice listen, sing and sob. Then get up and get on. It’s about creating a bit of space just to feel how you feel.
Write it down
This entire blog is a journal of moments that stand out for me. I can’t tell you how much better I feel when I get it out of my head and onto paper or type it into WordPress. It gives stuff a home that’s not your head. A place you can leave it rather than carrying it around.
So, the teariness passed. I took some time to remember how much I love my mum and how much I respect how she chose to raise me even when she’s driving me utterly nuts!
I promise myself next month I’ll be more on top of the hormones thing knowing I’ll no doubt forget again but I do promise myself a few days of sadness reminds me of just how happy my life really is.